Although I am happily in a relationship now, there was a time when I was out there in the dating pool looking for something real. Today, I’d like to go over the Advantages/Disadvantages of dating. Please keep in mind that this is solely based on my experiences with dating.
In this blog, I’d like to switch off-giving one disadvantage followed by an advantage.
Disadvantage
First Date
Let’s be honest, the first date of any relationship is typically awkward. You are both nervous, sometimes you don’t know what to talk about and the majority of the date practically feels like an interview. You are essentially interviewing this person to see if they are someone you want to spend more time with.
Of course, there is the rare occurrence where you have a great time on the first date and feel comfortable with that person immediately. Example-How I felt on my first date with Erich. He didn’t ask me uncomfortable questions and it didn’t feel like an interview. But typically, first dates don’t happen that way.
Sometimes you’ll go on dates where you practically have to pull the conversation out of the other person. Or how about if they are on the phone the whole time? Not to mention if they look nothing like their picture on Bumble in real life. So many awkward occurrences happen on the first date.
Advantage
Butterflies
In a healthy relationship, especially in the beginning, you feel butterflies in your stomach. This is when you feel an excitement to see that person. When you get a text from that person your heart practically flutters.
My warning to you would be not to confuse the butterfly feeling for an unsettling feeling or vice versa. The unsettling feeling is one you get when something is off or wrong about the date or the person you are with. The butterfly feeling and the unsettling feeling are two very different feelings. If you feel the latter, trust your gut and get out as soon as you can.
Disadvantage
Focusing on more than Yourself
This can be tough especially when you are young. I know I’ve gotten out of relationships where I felt that I wasted too much energy on them and not enough on what I wanted. My advice on this would be to still do the things that you personally enjoy while in a relationship.
Example: Have your girls/boys night out, binge out on your favorite show, read the book you love, take that self defense class, etc. You don’t have to give up these things just because you are in a relationship.
If you feel that you need time to yourself, let your significant other know. Tell them that you want to go see a movie by yourself, etc. If they are good for you, they will understand and encourage you to do things for yourself. If not then you have to send them packing.
Advantage
Your Best Friend
I never quite understood this until my relationship with Erich but when you are in a relationship, they aren’t just your partner but also one of your best friends.This is the person you spend a large amount of your time with. They are someone to vent to at the end of a long workday. They are someone you can go out on adventures with as well.
Sometimes this person even becomes close with your friends and joins your friend group. Or they become close to your family. Try to be with someone that both your friends and family like. They are typically great judges of who is right for you.
Disadvantage
Toxic Relationships
As someone that has been in multiple toxic relationships in her life, I don’t take this lightly. I’m going to go into some of the warning signs that I noticed through my experiences with this. Obviously, there are more out there then what I’m going to list, so if you read these and think it applies to your relationship, I recommend doing further research online to see for sure.
How do I know if I’m in a toxic relationship?
On Edge
If you frequently feel like you are walking on eggshells and tiptoeing around the person you are dating, it might be time to hit the road.
Friends/Family Disapprove
I’m not talking about your parents not liking someone you are dating because he/she isn’t a doctor or because he/she makes less than a certain amount of money a year. What I’m talking about is when your sister doesn’t like the way your current significant other is treating you. Or if your family/friends notice you crying a lot. Obviously, they aren’t going to like the person you are dating because they can assume that he/she is the one causing the tears.
Red Flags/Doubts
You know what I’m talking about. These are the things that you push to the side but are always in the back of your mind lingering. I’m not talking about you thinking Omg I can’t date him, he doesn’t like horror movies. I’m talking about Omg I can’t date her she talks down to me on a regular basis. Don’t ignore these signs.
Isolation
When the person you are dating starts talking bad about your friends/family, it’s probably time to end things. I’m not talking about them saying Omg I can’t believe your friend Debra wore that top last night. I’m talking about them saying Omg your friend Debra is so obnoxious you shouldn’t hang out with her anymore.
If you ever notice your significant other trying to isolate you and have you cut out friends/family members from your life-LEAVE. You are the only person who gets to decide who comes in/out of your life.
Gaslighting
This may be tough to realize at first.
Example: Sally cheats on Rob. Rob gets upset about it and Sally starts bringing up stuff from way in the past about their relationship (that isn’t even relevant) to start pushing the blame on Rob. This could be something he did 4 years ago. Rob (the one who didn’t do anything wrong) ends up apologizing to Sally.
In my opinion, the type of person that gaslights is someone who always plays the victim. They never take responsibility for their own actions. And they only apologize when absolutely necessary. They never feel that they have done anything wrong.
Advantage
Someone to spend your life with
Isn’t that the goal of dating for most people? Obviously, not everyone wants someone to spend their life with but the majority of us do. It’s the ultimate dream, to spend a lifetime together. Some people would like to get married, have kids, watch the kids grow up, and one day have grandkids. Personally, I do want to get married but I don’t want kids.
Everyone’s dream is different. But the benefit of dating is finding someone you can have decades of memories with. Your partner in travel, job changes, moving, etc. The person sitting next to you in a rocking chair in 40 years. Isn’t it magical to fall in love with the same person repeatedly? It’s rare but it can happen, Hallmark says so.
Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment about your dating experiences.
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