As of a few days ago, my boyfriend Erich and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary. Now I’ve been in a few relationships in my lifetime but the majority of them never made it to the 1 year mark. So while some people don’t consider this a long time to be with someone, I do. I would say it is typically (at least for me) after the 6 month mark that you start to question if this person works in your life long term. You started wondering things like do they fit into my life? Do my friends like him/her? Do we have the same values? Are we headed in the same direction or in opposite ones? These questions could determine the fate of your relationship.
Today I want to give my personal opinion on what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship. I am no expert, just a woman trying to help others. So without further adieu, let’s get into it.
- Show Affection
Now I suppose that affection isn’t for everyone. Which is okay if you are both not into affection But both of you have to feel the same way. For me personally, affection is a big component of a relationship. I’m talking hugs, kisses, cuddling and holding hands. These things are just as important as being sexually intimate in a relationship. Now you don’t need to make out in public to show your affection for each other. But holding hands when you are out walking together or a peck on the lips on a date is a great way to show your partner you care. Affection makes your partner feel loved/appreciated on a daily basis.
- Never Stop Dating
No matter how long you have been together, never stop dating your partner. Now this sounds obvious but some couples get married, have kids and forget to make the time for just the two of them. They forget to incorporate a date night into their lives. Now I know people get busy with kids, work, school etc, but trying to incorporate one on one dates when you can is important. Even if it’s just a picnic at the park, a hike on a trail together or a coffee date. Try to cut out the time for just the two of you without the distractions of kids, family, friends, work or school.
I know it has been tough for all of us during the quarantine. Obviously we can’t go out on dates as of right now. But Erich and I have tried to implement watching movies, taking walks, or making dinner together. It may not be the same as going out on dates but it is time for us to spend together outside of the other distractions.
- Sexual Intimacy
Whatever your viewpoints are, they will have to be the same as your partner when it comes to this. Maybe both of you agree to wait until marriage to do this. Or maybe you agreed to take things slow and wait a while to do this. Or maybe you are both okay with doing this early in the relationship. Whatever your circumstances are when it comes to this, the two of you will have to agree or your relationship will eventually fail. You should never be in a relationship where you feel pressured to have sex with someone. If you are, get out NOW. Sexual intimacy should always be consensual for both partners.
- Attraction
So this one should be obvious but for a lot of people out there it seems it’s not. I’ve seen a lot of people settle for someone that they aren’t necessarily attracted to just because the relationship made them feel safe. You need to be attracted to someone’s personality and looks for the relationship to succeed. Now a lot of times, being attracted to someone’s personality does make them more attractive. But when you initially meet someone, you should be attracted to them. You should want to kiss and hug them on a regular basis. If you don’t get that feeling when you are around them, then they may just be a friend.
- Common and Different Interests
Erich and I both enjoy writing, watching horror movies, riding roller coasters. cooking, playing board games etc. But we also have different hobbies that we enjoy. For example: Erich likes playing video games, reading books, playing records, etc. I like working out, shopping for clothes, watching Youtube, etc. It’s great that we have common and different interests. This way, we can do the things we like together. But when we need alone time, we can pursue our own hobbies. Or we can do the activity that the other person likes with them. It’s very important to have both time together and alone in a relationship.
- Values
Just like you and your partner have to agree on sexual intimacy, you need to agree on the important issues in life. I will list some of those issues below:
- Religion-Even if you don’t have the same religion, one of you needs to either convert or agree to both have different beliefs and be okay with that.
- Marriage vs no Marriage
- Kids vs no Kids
- Budget/Financials
7. Sense of Humor
I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of person that likes to joke around regularly. I like to poke fun at my significant other. So naturally, I had to be with someone that had a sense of humor. I couldn’t be with someone that was going to be offended every time I joked around with them. You need to be with someone that understands your sense of humor and can joke with you. Because what’s life without laughter?
8. Fit Into Your Life
Although your significant other may not get along with everyone in your life, they should fit into your lifestyle pretty well. Most of the men I dated felt like a separate part of my life. What I realized from dating Erich is that the person you are with is supposed to be a part of your life. They should get along relatively well with your friends/family and should feel like they were meant to be there all along. It’s a really nice feeling to see your significant other become close with your friends/family. It’s also nice to get along with the friends/family of your partner.
9. Instincts
I can give you all the relationship advice in the world but it really comes down to your own instincts. Only you truly know if you feel comfortable and happy in a relationship. If someone feels wrong for you then trust your instincts. If someone feels right for you then hang on to them as long as you possibly can.
I hope you all enjoyed this post. Happy 1 Year Anniversary Erich! I love you 🙂
Thanks for Reading! Feel free to comment what you’ve learned about relationships from your experiences.
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